affluenza striked me

i really hate myself now. it sucks being affluent now.

bought donuts for family when i left home early for hougang mall. then bought present for sis. then bought 2 boxes of toothpaste. the bought 2 bubble tea. then went home.

in the afternoon, a partially blind indian man, quite young, rang my doorbell. i opened the door, and notice he wasnt looking right at me. i thought its pest control and such, because he has a tag and card. then he introduced himself, and explained he's partially blind. he has the visually handicapped card and license, and NUH documents certifying he's a needy. he's also expempted from NS, and has documents to support his claim. he explained that he cannot accept donations, but is selling watches at $10.

i immediately went straight for my wallet, and started busy counting notes and coins. to my dismay, i only had $9.75. dad was at home, and he said the man's probably fake, and the watches are probably fake. for the door was open, and i didnt want the poor man to wait for long, i went and told him sadly that i didnt have enough, and asked him to keep my money. but he just cant accept donations. and when i told him i didnt have the money, he said sadly "but its only $10" i insisted that he kept my $9.75 and get some food, but he had to leave for there was nothing we can do anymore. i told him good luck, and he turned away and left.

i sort of chided my dad for his ignorance on helping the needy, and its not all about buying a watch from him.

then i saw my saving box on my room's table. i immediately went and took out 25c. then i went straight out of the door with my wallet. i searched the whole block, every floor using the stairs, but he wasnt anywhere. i went to search 2 other blocks, but he was nowhere to be found. he couldnt have gone far. it was just 5 mins ago.

he's my man who disappeared. a sad man in need.

my mum always said i had a heart of gold since young, always telling her when we go bugis "mummy that man so poor thing" then she'll give me 20c to donate to every beggar.
and yet now when a needy man come to me, all i can do is feel guilty for being affluent.

guys, if some needy person approach you, please, for me, and for yourself, help generously.

if only i bought 1 less donut....