i dno what exactly sparked off what happened today.

no hard feelings. just...letting out everything that has been harbouring in me for a long time. i felt much better after letting out everything.

not shooting anyone or anything. its plain...its against ourselves. its just...trying to point out the negatives in us. trying to spur ourselves and motivate ourselves. to find out our shortcomings. i'm just pointing out stuff. take it as some soulsearching.


it was intentional. my tone and the way that i put my point across are intentional. i did it on purpose. yes it was. its to enforce what i've said. i hope you all will remember it.

yes it sure sounds arrogant and egoistic. once again, deliberate. i hope through all it, you all might remember it better.


i'm normally not like today. but, i have to let it out, and i gotta go my way.
no hard feelings yea.


i can see, that that msg, is truly from the heart. no feud kk. but, i need some time to really get over this feeling. i have to say it, but, nyco is not my top priority. i have my reasons, and i'll explain to you all, one day...

everything is gonna be normal. no diff.

i cant give my 100% to nyco. i just cant.
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i'm gonna post some stuff here. it might sound awful.


i joined nyco, as a contract player. just for SYF. so that i hve something for my sgc.
after syf, i decided to continue soccer. but, i forgot who. either luojun or wing jie called me, and ask me to turn up at the co room.
and its like...one of the last few co things. no songs to prac, nothing. and its like...time wasting. so happens i'm free, so why not, just visiting.
perhaps due to my appearance, or whatever reason, someone took it as i'm continuing.

before long, its the qing gong yan. apparently, if anyone remembers, i wasnt in the best mood. just sat at a corner and stoned. i didnt touch the cake. not a lick, not a mouth.
when asked what i wanted to be, i wasnt thinking. i just blabbered some stuff that could pass off as a decision. djy SL sounds logical. so i just mouthed it. it was NEVER real. i couldnt say "i wanna leave". it would be crazy if i said it then.

why was i unhappy that day?
big reveal: i was thinking like, i'm a contract player. why the hell am i here? i shouldnt be here.

so i left early.



after that, i left soccer. i dno why. perhaps its because i missed a lot of training. perhaps i dont like the coach. yea, i didnt like his physical training sessions. its worse than track training.

then, i didnt have a cca. i somehow got selected to go comm interview. it was expected anyway. that was how.....i got into co. much to my unwillingness.

after that, the reason i keep getting from others for me to stay on is "you're a SL, you cant leave now".

dang! i should have joined like...odac or drum before i got stuck in this position.



i admit. co can be fun, because of the people.
it was never fun during pracs. it totally bores me.
and, theres no goal when in nyco. theres nothing that i'm working towards. i see no meaning.

i sure hope cco can help me out of this thing. wan gui...help me kk! i sure need that external cca letter. help!! if i get that letter, i'll go for every concert if i can! =D promise!
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everything here, that i've posted, is whats bothering me. yea it sounds horrible, but, today is the day that i should say some of these.


i still love nyco. the people here are great.
its just the stuff we do. i see no meaning. i just wanna leave.


it sounds irresponsible, but, i gotta go my own way.
i dont know what i'm doing all these while.
period.